Am I really so different?

I just realised something.

I know myself pretty well but because I never felt like I belonged somewhere, I became addicted to the rush of being on the move all the time. And to get from knowing myself pretty well an knowing myself through and through, requires quite a lot of work. Self-work and stillness. And that realisation came to me on a walk from the beach to my new house. Well, not my house, but the house I’m now renting a room in.

So yes, I moved again. For the 4th time this year. And it’s only May.

New home! 🏡

I started off this year with the word ‘ground’. And so far, I’ve stayed true to that word. I found my place. My sense of belonging switched on and it hadn’t felt this strong before. If I ever even had a sense of belonging. I usually confused the sense of belonging with “wherever my friends and family were”. And that made me feel ‘unrooted’ for a big part of my life. So, grounding was the word for the year 2024. And even though I’ve still managed to move houses 4 times.

BUT the circle wherein I am moving, is getting smaller and smaller.

So, that’s something.

Trust me, it is. It sounds like I’m making excuses for myself and perhaps I am. But who cares, you know. As long as I am aware of it, that’s all that matters. For now.

But now a new chapter has begun and it’s interesting to find out how inexperienced I am at this grounding part. Settling.

Well, it makes sense that I am not familiar with it since I was allergic to the verb “settling down” up until earlier this year.

It probably doesn’t help that my intuition decided to tell me to settle down in in a place where most people settle down in their early twenties. So, here I am only just getting adapted to the idea of it while being in a completely different stage of life than my peers. I’m 10+ years late in the game. Imagine being that “32-year-old Dutch backpacker with riding around on her pink bicycle and drink chai from her yellow cup” who just floats around trying to make friends, find a job, find a purpose, find a community, etc. And don’t even get me started about finding a partner to share my life with.

This is my reality at the moment.

I mean, can you blame me for loving it here? 🍂

And it’s okay, I’ll take it. Because my intuition knows I belong here. But still, it feels weird.

Since I moved to South Australia, I was lucky enough to meet so many beautiful people. I’m surrounded by people of all ages. Most of them are Australian.

And this is where the insecurity kicks in, It’s quite challenging to find the trust I will be accepted as ‘one of them’ instead of looking at me like another traveller passing by.

And it’s not just that, there’s also the fact that lots of the locals have no clue where I come from. Which journey I’ve been on. Literally and figuratively.

Because for most people who were born and raised here and I connected with, Australia is there home and whether they have travelled or not, they know they belong here, and they’ll always circle back because it’s their home.

How do you explain to someone who grew up here, has the right to live here, has their family and family around and knows they will always come home here how long of a journey it was for me to finally get here myself? And how detached I feel from everything sometimes? And how lonely that can feel?

AND BOOM 💥 Just like that, I feel like an alien again.

And even though I blend into new environments very easily and I can chameleon myself into most situations, the people I hang out with oftentimes have no clue how big the gap actually feels.

And the real question I should ask myself is if the size of that gap is really relevant.

Because I am a human just like everyone who was born and raised here. A human connection can be so pure it really doesn’t matter where someone grew up and spent most of their time.

There can be cultural differences, but they exist just as much on a smaller scale. You might find your neighbour’s habit to mow their grass only once a month as absurd as the Dutchie riding around on her pink bicycle because she refuses to buy a car.

Speaking of which, I was called out on using the word bicycle yesterday.

According to my new roommate a “bicycle” is supposed to be called a “bike” even though my friend who has a motorbike told me I shouldn’t call my “bicycle” “bike” because a “bike” means “motorbike” here.

AND THEY’RE BOTH FROM AUSTRALIA. Granted, one is from Sydney who moved to Adelaide and the other one was born and raised in this area.

See, who’s the actual local here? Who is right in terms of living in Australia?

My point is, it’s super easy to find cultural differences on every scale. But I just like to go in my head and explain my way out of why I feel like an alien sometimes.

There’s a part of me that ALWAYS feels like explaining myself when I feel like an outsider as soon as cultural and societal differences arise. And with that there's usually the tendency to get a little defensive. And by doing that, I oftentimes manage to make the gap even bigger because I keep emphasizing the differences between myself and others instead of just saying ‘Huh, no kidding, I never realised there were more ways to look at it. Anyways, wanna go for a coffee later?’.

So, I guess I’m going to have to decide for myself if that geographical and demographical gap is actually relevant. And I don’t think it is.

I might speak with a different accent, a different cultural and societal background, and I’ll always be a little weird in general, it’s time to accept that this is where I need to be and trust the universe but mostly the people around me that they will accept me as one of their own. But with everything else in life, trust takes time to grow and develop.

And where I’m used to just hop from one place to the other and cling to connections as much as I can because they seem so rare, it’s time to learn to be patient and let things grow and develop in a more sustainable way.

These things can’t be forced. All they need is some love, nurture, laughter, and mutual respect and understanding.

The seeds have been planted. Literally and figuratively. And I’m curious to see which seedlings will be seasonal and which ones will thrive and are here to stay.

You never really know. Until you know.

All that matters is that I know in my core I want to be here right now.

I’m home.

And with that in, I will say bye for now.

I'm happy and that's all that matters! 😃

I know I’m not alone in this. Feel free to talk to me if you recognise yourself in this story.

Bye bye!

Xoxo, Domi