Keep it simple

Hello and welcome (back) to my world!

The title might imply this is going to be a simple and light “la-ti-da” kind of blog, but it actually zooms in on how frustrated I’ve been getting with the society we live ever since I was confronted with anxiety disorders and regular panic attacks around the age of 11. But also, and this is the important part, how I managed to wiggle myself out of that mindset to start fresh and balanced with a simpler life and mindset. And how I believe it is possible for everyone to gradually grow into a similar mindset if they’re willing to do the work.

So, here we go.

During this last (European) summer I met up with a bunch of friends and during one of those meetups one of my friends made the following remark while we were sitting at a busy terrace on a busy square in Antwerp: “You always look so at ease in your Sunday selfies.” Almost asking me: “How do you do that?” after that. – This was back when I was still on Instagram and posted a selfie every Sunday so I could look back on my transformation throughout the year. A habit I continued doing on Polarsteps after I deactivated my personal Instagram pages. – And my answer was: “It’s because I actually generally feel at ease these days.”. This conversation continued with her admitting she couldn’t even get to the smallest thing she’s been wanting to add to her morning routine for a while now. Almost judging herself for it. I told her to just do it whenever she felt ready to do it. Take the pressure off by not making it a ”have to” but a “now it feels like the right time” type of thing.

And that’s when the question started playing around in my head: “how did I manage to be at ease most of the time now with a background of anxiety disorders and regular panic attacks?”.

And the answer was: “by going back to the basics and keeping things simple” 🌱.

This triggered a bigger question inside myself: “How can I get the message across – on a bigger scale – that you can only make your life simpler, simply by keeping it simple?”

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and the only thing I can really do is getting the conversation started.

So, this morning when I was taking a nice hot shower, an idea popped in my head: “I should end my showers cold every morning.” No wait, not that one, that one has been on my “to do list” forever, BUT IT’S JUST SO FREAKING COLD 🥶.

Now, kidding aside, the idea was to start sharing how I managed to get where I am today not by adding a lot of things on my plate but by taking things off. Going back to basic and go from there. Prioritising, organising, structuring, cutting back, and reflecting. But mostly: enjoying the little things in life. I wrote a blog about the moment I decided it was time to go back to the basics.

Some big changes had to take place in my life before I got to where I am today. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. It took over 10 years of being an adult to realize most of the things I used to get anxious about, I was responsible for myself. And that felt so liberating because that also meant I was in charge of coping with it and more importantly take responsibility and start working on it instead of finding someone else to blame.

It’s an ongoing school of life and instead of trying to control every step in my life I am now excited and patient to see what will come on my path. Most of the time. Learning to trust that things really do happen for a reason, that you can’t force faith into a certain direction, and seeing opportunities instead of challenges when things don’t go as planned, is like learning how to breathe again.

Some of those big changes in my life were:

1. Quit drinking for a while and not really getting back into it

2. Going off hormonal birth control and starting to feel and trust (and love) my body again

3. Going off mainstream social media

4. Becoming aware of the impact travelling had on my life and how grateful I am for that

5. Recognising when I need rest and allowing myself to take rest

6. Accepting the fact that a busy, stressful, and money and power-driven society isn’t a place where I can thrive in

7. Finding trust and reliance in my intuition by reflecting on my mental and physical state as often as I can

8. Acknowledging I am an extraverted introvert who needs more time on her own than (some) others to recharge

9. Allowing myself to have most mornings and evenings all to myself so I can maintain a great sleeping routine

10. Learning about Ayurveda and step by step implementing this in my life more and more

And by living like this and reminding myself these are my values every day, I started to trust that things will run its course, things happen for a reason, and the universe plays a big role in all of it.

That’s how I know it’s not a coincidence that ever since I learned how to let things go (for the biggest part) and decided to live and study in a country where I feel at home for a while, these extraordinary people kept walking into my life. People who shared a similar mindset when it came to looking at how society works these days and understand how lonely and lost I’ve felt so many times over the past 10+ years even though I was doing my best squeezing everything out of life I possibly could.

And by talking to those people I realised why living in the society we live in these days has been such an issue for me and my mental state.

Because, do these things sound familiar to anyone else?

“Don’t do things without getting something out of it”, “make sure they pay you well for that”, “ask more money or they won’t take you seriously”, “are you unhappy at work? Ask for a raise!”, “do you know what houses cost these days?” and I can go on and on coming up with examples I picked up throughout my life while trying to keep up with the mapped-out rules of living in this society: aim for the same life everyone’s living even though it feels unachievable and unaffordable. It’s something that I just never understood but a mindset I did get sucked into inevitably every time I started to settle down a little bit.

It’s a difficult thing to explain in one blog because I feel so passionate about it.

What’s wrong with wanting to keep things simple so you don’t need all the money in the world to support your lifestyle? Why not be kind and respectful to each other and learn how to share and trade and live side by side one and other without letting our egos get in the way? We used to do be able to do this as humans. And it was less toxic for the earth and the people living on it.

I know I’m spiralling, but don’t you end up in these conversations sometimes where you keep spiralling trying to make a point while getting sucked into the dark hole of confusion and chaos?

Once I started to let go of those thoughts and doing my own thing the way I like to do it, the weight of those heavy (societal) life expectations fell off my shoulders and I went back to being just me.

That’s why I just want to point out the things that can make me feel happy at all times:

1. Going on walks

2. Being near the ocean

3. Looking at the sky

4. Sunsets and sunrises

5. Litening to music

6. Finding real connections

See where I’m getting at? Anyone can enjoy these things. And they’re free of charge.

I know I’m simplifying things. But that was also the point of this blog. Going back to the basics, being aware of the possibilities, work with what you have and be patient about the next steps. Rather than rushing into relationships, buying properties you can only just afford or not even, worrying about being in time to start a family, all of that. I know, I am aware of my own body and age. I get it, I really do. But haven’t we overdone it with all the possibilities, options, decisions, but mostly distractions in life? It makes so much sense we can’t see things clearly anymore.

Anyways.

The reality is:

I am 32 years old, hardly have any savings but have enough money to support myself and a safety net in case I need it, I live in a shared house with 2 strong and indpendant women one of which is my landlord who bought this house at the age of 26 (how amazing is that?!), I’m going to start studying again next week, I’m single, I don’t know if I want children or want to get married, and all the stuff I own fits in 2 suitcases.

It is I! 🙋🏻‍♀️

And most importantly: I am happy. And free. And I literally have everything I need. And I will see what the future holds for me but I refuse to worry about things that are out of my control anymore.

Am I claiming that now I figured out that keeping things simple, gives me a general sense of balance in my life all the time and suddenly makes all my worries I ever have and had disapear? And my head is clear and balanced all the time?

Of course not, it’s not THAT simple. I’m still human.

Like I said, it’s a journey and it will keep being that. I just love that I’m aware of what my values are and what I need to get back in balance. And that’s not a lot. Which makes it a lot easier.

And that’s it for now.

I hope reading this gave you some perspective and maybe even courage to cut back a little in whatever you think you need or want and just enjoy what you have.

Cheers!

Xoxo Domi