The Fear of Stagnation

I was talking to someone about fears the other day. Not in a very heavy kinda way but more of a “what are you scared of” kinda way. We were getting to know each other at that point so it was an interesting conversation opener.

And the funny thing is, that I had this thought a couple of days prior.

The thought was this:

I’ve struggled with fears and anxiety in my teenage years and twenties and if someone would have asked me what I am scared of 10 years ago, I would have said: I have emetophobia, that what they call the fear of throwing up and after debunking this in therapy, it turned out to be a good old fear of letting go of control.

Do I still struggle with this sometimes? Sure, but not in an unhealthy affecting my day-to-day life kinda way like it used to.

And luckily, I don’t experience fears or panic attacks like that anymore.

That’s why I was thinking about how I would respond to this question nowadays a couple of days before I had that conversation with that person I was getting to know. And I didn’t really know how to answer it at that time.

It wasn’t until the next day in another conversation where I was like “I know what I’m afraid of! It’s stagnation. I’m afraid of stagnation!”.

He got it.

I think a lot of people get it.

But I’m not sure if this is something a lot of people realise.

I sure hadn’t before I thought about it more in depth.

So, I’ll go into those thoughts a bit more and you can see if it resonates.

When I asked Wix to give me a picture with the key word "stagnation" it gave me this which is very accurate, I must say.

FIRST OF ALL, WHAT DOES STAGNATION ACTUALLY MEAN?

The official definition of stagnation according to the dictionary of Oxford Languages is “the state of not flowing or moving” in a literal and figurative sense that is. It can be applied to a river being blocked and no longer able to flow freely or it could mean a lack of activity, growth or development.

Now, doesn’t that sound scary to everyone?

What stagnation means in my personal world is the feeling of not being on the right track to achieve my life goals. The feeling of being stuck. In my case those goals are not so much financial or materialistic goals (although, a tiny house would count as something materialistic, I guess, but I also happily like to admit I am somewhat of a hypocrite just like everyone else).

My personal life goals, though, are more abstract than that and have more to do with a continuous sense of freedom and flow.

And the person who gets in the way of that most of – if not all – the time is me. Isn’t that ironic?

I really think it isn’t that ironic at all.

I think in most cases it’s us getting in the way of what we want to become or achieve. It’s just easier to put that blame somewhere external because that feels safer and like less work.

The work still has to be done, though, if one wants to achieve what they actually want.

It’s very difficult to find out what is we actually want if we do live in a state of stagnation.

Can you sense the start a psychological loop developing here?

So many hoops and loops

THE PHYCOLOGICAL LOOP

That’s where things get really scary.

Getting stuck in a loop created by the own mind can give me a headache.

What fears me even more, though, is the numbness that follows. The acceptance of what is.

BUT that’s also where the solution lies.

It’s all so double sided and contradictive. And that’s the beauty of it too.

Let’s put these two seemingly similar things together: when people live in a state of stagnation, they usually live a life where the path has been laid out already and the logical thing is to follow it and that can mimic something that feels like a natural flow. A sense of ease. Because there’s not a lot of active decision making involved and that can seem like the most natural way of living but in reality, it’s mostly just the easiest way and in many cases the way that seems to numb the creative side of the mind and can potentially activate the side where resent starts to build in case there are unfulfilled goals or dreams covered in a layer of dust created over the years and years of conditioning.

Pretty dark analysis, isn’t it?

Couple of sidenotes to consider here:

Am I a scientist? No.

Am I a researcher of human behaviour? No.

Am I a journalist? No.

Do I actually have actual factual knowledge about these things? Not really, no.

But it does make sense, doesn’t it? It’s something I think many can sense things without having the knowledge or education to back it up. It’s an intuitive thing, I guess. I also know some people will tune out when they read or hear that but it’s not to be underestimated. It’s strong. It’s just not for everyone to come to terms with. Yet, at least.

And then there’s the actual living in flow. The sort of life where nothing is for certain. It can feel it, one can even be convinced about a path well into the future but if that same one can be open to the idea of change and not take their paths all too seriously, only then and there flow can happen. That’s what I believe because that’s my personal experience and from talking to friends, family, and strangers, there seems to be a consenus. So, not a scientist or researcher BUT very much an experienced student of life. Not advanced, but definitely experienced.

I mean, I’m 34, I’m basically still a baby so what do I know really.

It’s in that feeling, though, that feeling of being okay with whatever outcome and not holding on to too specific goals. And I know, I know, goals are preferably SMART. And I agree to that in terms of running a business successfully whilst paying a mortgage and taking care of a family.

But can you feel the “restraints” in that, though?

How beautiful would it be to let things run its course and find its way.

No, wait.

How beautiful would it be if there was actually more space for trial and error in this world?

But it seems we’re limited to either success or failure. There’s very little in between.

I am a fan of that big beautiful grey area in between, though.

God, it’s scary sometimes. But the thrill of realising deep down that no matter what happens, as long as things keep moving in a direction that fills my head with a sense of peace, not to be mistaken for comfort I might add, that’s when I feel like I can smile at the birds, cry when I feel the sand in between my toes and get extremely annoyed when I cycle against the wind. Experience emotions in their fullest without getting attached to them or identifying with them. Just letting them flow.

ARE WE DOOMED THEN?

I wouldn't say so. Not necessarily.

But when I realised this is actually one my biggest fears right now, it did open some doors for me. Mental doors, that is.

I also realised it's not just by realising this I've been opening mental doors for myself, it's the reaction of each and every time I manage to just get out of my head and be in the present, experience and accept life as is.

AND THAT IS NOT EASY, IT'S REALLY NOT EASY.

But it's rewarding. And it gets easier. It's just a muscle we collectively forget to train. Kinda like skipping leg day, I guess.

I think that if we can find it in ourselves to enjoy being here and keep in mind how insignificant we really are in this grand scheme of things, we really have nothing to worry about.

And if you ask me how to get that mindset?

Just start by doing something simple that brings you joy every morning. Whether it's having a cup of tea, walking the dog, write down words of gratitude, whatever it is. Just do it. And enjoy it.

Also: don't be so hard on yourself.

Don't feel like you need to get to the ultimate understanding of everything ALL THE F*ING TIME (this is me talking to me mostly). It would be great if I could just listen to my own advice sometimes.

But honestly, I think that's where the truth lies.

Let's not take ourselves so seriously all the time and just start looking around. It's all there.

Anyway.

That was a lot to unpack.

I'll just leave it here then.

All the love.

Bye bye.

Just this...

Xoxo Domi