Where is the Love?

For any millennial out there reading this, I am quite convinced you are being pulled back into a high school party where slow dancing, pimples, and trying out thongs for the first time were the feelings that came up when reading that title.

The Black Eyed Peas had a point, though.

WHERE IS THE ACTUAL LOVE THESE DAYS?

Not in a, sorry for putting it like this, cliché, “why can’t I find a decent boyfriend” kind of way, but where is the actual sense of understanding and allowing space for other people’s (temporary) shortcomings rather than jumping the gun and setting hard boundaries to “protect” ourselves and push people out without even considering giving them a fair chance.

Oh, I feel the turmoil rising in some people reading this because it sounds like I’m making excuses for poor behaviour.

I promise you, I am not, and I am also saying that there’s often (almost always) more to a situation than one might think and if we can find the space inside of ourselves to allow someone to feel safe enough to fuck up and to be held accountable and simply move forward from there, I think the world would be a much more peaceful place.

I often wonder where that whole “get in control of the situation” and “make sure you show them you are an empowered being who is better than that and just needs to work on themselves” comes from.

Well, I know where exactly it comes from, actually, it comes from poor behaviour between humans and also about who (temporarily) lost the plot on what manners are.

BUT isn’t that something we are all guilty of from time to time anyway?

Who in this day and age even DARES to suggest that healthy conflict is constructive and helpful and therefore trust can be built that things can and most likely will turn out as they should as long as we are trying not to get our egos in the way.

This doesn’t just apply to dating or friendships, mind you, this is equally true in the workplace or in family situations. Each of them with their own levels of trickiness.

Misconceptions and misunderstandings will always happen, that is pretty inevitable with 8.3 billion people living on this planet.

Can you even imagine if we all lived with the same thoughts and believe systems? What a boring world that would be.

Similar values, though? Now that would make things a bit easier.

There’s a reason why I have mixed feelings about politics, not that I want anything I write here to go into that direction, though, but it all boils down to presenting oneself the best and arguing the case in the best way possible to get the vote. And then what?

Anyway.

Back to the point I'm trying to get across.

THE POINT IS LOVE, ACTUALLY

Pun intended (the movie reference, I mean, I do like to think I'm quite clever with this subtitles). 

The funny thing, love is also the thing we are scared of the most because love sounds big and all-consuming.

And that's not even untrue. It definitely can feel like it’s all-consuming and that can be the best and the worst feeling in the world.

But it’s something that can make us all feel alive. Collectively.

I am not just speaking about romantic love, by the way, I am talking more about a universal sense of love for anything and anyone.

Love is this big and scary thing that is accessible to everyone at all times. We just happen to not believe that the majority of the time.

Does that mean we shouldn't be held accountable for shitty behaviour that has little to do with love, then?

I'd say no. Obviously. That doesn't sound fun at all.

But wouldn’t it be nice to be offered a hand to drag us out of a hole we dug for ourselves for the lack of having the tools to handle a situation just a little bit more gracious rather than running into a huge wall of passive aggressive boundary setting from the other party without the actual effort of finding a mutual solution?

Not that there is anything wrong with boundary setting, God, I could write endless blogs about how I very much do encourage setting boundaries. But there is boundary setting from a loving point of view and there is boundary setting from a not so loving point of view. The last one being boundary setting from a more scared and anxious point of view. A point of view in which we feel like we need to have this one win to close the book on the potential of a connection because only that way we can share that victory with our friends and family.

Wouldn’t we look silly if we tried everything we could to save a connection with someone even if it’s at the cost of a potential bruised ego?

NO, WE ABSOLUTELY WOULD AND SHOULD NOT.

 At least, not in my world.

But I also struggle with keeping that loving filter on quite often.

Because isn’t it nice that things will always work out in our favour, people would actually have the capability to adjust their behaviour to everyone’s personality type, state of mind, astrological shift and ANYTHING that could be going on in someone’s had at all times?

Well, it would, but we’re not God, as much as some of us might think they are not far from it. We actually are quite far from it.

We are humans after all. Incredibly complex and sensitive humans. We will have to deal with our own and others' discrepancies, misunderstandings, judgements, and feelings our entire life.

And you know what the good part about this is?

It’s a collective thing we have to deal with on a daily basis.

How lovely is that?

SO, WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Another banger. Slightly different generation, though.

I’d say love has everything to do with it.

Looking at life, people, situations, anything from a loving angle rather than a resentful or spiteful one can create a lot of space for understanding and patience with anything in life.

And then there's still a lot of work to be done to stay true to that framework. Because resentment can creep in at any time and in most cases, I would understand why that's the emotion your body relates to most when you feel rejected or ignored.

#metoo

Honestly.

But there is also very little point in holding grudges, coming up with scenarios that just work a little bit more in our favour rather than just accepting things as they are and offering that hand and a sense of understanding that life is just hard sometimes and we all have to deal with it.

Each and everyone will do that in their own ways but we can choose to choose a loving way. Not a "let's pretend everything is okay and not hold someone accountable ever" kind of way, that leans more towards toxicity and ignorance than anything, but more of a "hey, it's okay to fuck up sometimes, as long as you find your way back to yourself in a loving way".

Does that make any sense to anyone?

I am not sure.

It makes sense to me, though. And at the same time, it's a very hard thing to stay true to at all times.

Time to wrap this one up.

All the love (now you know I actually mean it when I say that 😉) ♥️

Xoxo Domi